i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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