just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
