I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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