we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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