Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
