I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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