My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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