He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
