dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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