You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
