please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
