i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
