if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
