I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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