After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
