were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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