I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
