Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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