I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
