yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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