I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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