Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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