Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
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Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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