who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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