Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
