Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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