Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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