May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
