before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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