it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
