Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
