She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
