CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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