don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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