bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
