I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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