I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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