3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
