I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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