guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
