He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
