It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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