i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
