Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
