im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
