Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
