someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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