North Korea, Best Korea!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
