So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
