its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
time to smoke my breakfast
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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