i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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