so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
