Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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