First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
