he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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