Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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