My liver just broke up with me...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
